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March 27, 2022

Devil in the Details with Duncan Trussell

Devil in the Details with Duncan Trussell

Darren Trysel (Duncan Trussell, Duncan Trussell Family Hour) is a former satanist who has found redemption.

Duncan Trussell: @duncantrussell

 

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Transcript

Halle: Mega is an improvised satire from the staff of a fictional megachurch.

Hi, I'm Holly Labon. And this is mega committee from twin Hills community church, where every single week we give our mega church a tiny family feel. We introduce you to members of our church staff, people from our community. It's a treat and a treasure. Well, per usual, I'm joined by my co-host he's the youth pastor for our high school ministry called climax.

Please welcome Greg. 

Gray: Jesus is the rock and you smell what he's cooking. Haley. How are you? Bless, 

Halle: bless. Bless. Bless. Bless. Bless. Bless. Bless. Bless. Bless. Bless, bless. Blessed. How are you? 

Gray: I'm really, really good. Holly. Well, I mean, I am, you know, I'm a little bit nervous right now because you know, I've got all my teens who come to climax.

Um, many of them are seniors and they're going to be finding out whether they got into college this week. 

Halle: Oh, What are some of the front runners in terms of colleges? Oh, well, 

Gray: many of them want to go to Bible college because you know, it's easy. Many of them will pay you to go there. Um, if you get a degree from, uh, a Christian Bible college, you know, you get a job at a Christian organization, they basically have to hide.

So, you know, I'm just really praying for good news for zoos, a bio Lola moody Regent B sin fluffed in hump, Dale prick, and ham taints, squabbling, piss hand, uh, and Dumbledore those, the names of the college. Oh, no, there's some the names of some of my seniors, but they all want to go to Wheaton college, uh, 

Halle: wait and saw some, 

Gray: oh, well they will, there's basically a hundred percent acceptance rate.

Uh, but to Wheaton college, as long as you've never committed a drug related felony, what about sex? Totally fine, Washington, the blood. Okay. But otherwise this is pretty big news. Holly. I have been spotted in the background of this new Hillsong documentary that just came out, uh, which is really exciting because a lot of people who have been sending me messages that they saw me sort of standing behind Carl Lance when he was preaching at the consecrate conference from a few years back.

So it was just cool to be recognized all this love that. I have no idea, but apparently I look really shredded in it because I remember that was, you know, right after I had food poisoning, I ate a bad sandwich from one of the lunch boxes and, uh, I lost like a little less. Yeah. Oh gosh, you gotta be careful the mayonnaise.

And um, yeah, I lost like 11 pounds overnight, but I looked amazing the next day. It was just a total God thing that I got to be on camera. 

Halle: What's up with you, Holly. Uh, gray. Can I be harnessed? I'm disappointed. Why is that? Well, my husband, Lance Labatt, and I, we joined a Christian time share it's cornerstone, cornerstone patient packaging.

Yes, they do end time shares. And what's so great about it is you get a week at three different locations every year, but you only pay annually just in case Jesus comes back. And then, you know, if you aren't able to take a vacation in the future because you've been wrapped. Oh, that's cool. What 

Gray: are the destinations you chose?

Well, that's 

Halle: part of the problem. Um, we go to Scottsdale, Arizona, Branson, Missouri and Carbondale, Illinois. Oh, okay. Yeah, they're great. But, um, the dates are all booked up for one we wanted, so we have a week in August in Arizona. It's going to be 130 degrees. W. After new year's in Branson, which is a dead zone because none of the good Christmas shows are playing.

Brunson's the best. Yeah. Like last year I saw the Texas tenors Christmas mass occur. I'm dreaming of a white Jesus and a Christmas Arab 

Gray: miracle. Okay. Never heard of it, but sounds fun. And 

Halle: Carbondale, I don't even want to go to Carbondale. I just figured I would put that one on there because honestly my hope is that Jesus will have returned by then and I 

Gray: will have to take the trip.

I know. I mean, Carbondale, Illinois. That's proof that hell is real right there. I could 

Halle: just go to the outlets. 

Gray: Oh, is there what, uh, outlets. We don't have those in Australia. You don't, 

Halle: I love an outlet mall. It's just like a regular mall or shops or whatever, but you have to go outside in the snow and stuff to get into the next shop.

And like, you know, sometimes stuff is on 

Gray: sale boys and stuff on sale at the regular mall. 

Darren: Oh yeah, 

Halle: man. I really hope Jesus returns.

well, just like Lucifer would go back to have check-ins in the throne room of God in heaven. Our morning star today was a Satanist who has come back to the fold. It is my pleasure to introduce Darren, try sell. Welcome. 

Darren: Praise God. Thank you so much. So great to be on your show. It's so wonderful to just thank you so much for giving me this time.

Gray: Oh, Darren. Well, I mean, we have very excited because you had definitely the fist of form of sadness to that. I have ever even laid eyes on. I think what a lot of listeners would like to know first is what was it like, give us a little background. How did you first start in when it, uh, into the clutches of, of satanic staff?

Like what, what, 

Darren: what got you there? That's a really great question. Um, well, you know, uh, As a kid coming up, um, my family that were fundamentalists praise God. And, um, so they, uh, when, you know, when I was coming up, I had some questions, you know, for example, how can an all loving God throw gay people in hell for eternity?

Or how does it make sense that a God that is a, uh, omniscient omnipotent. And all loving could like harm or hurt or cause any kind of pain in the world because you can't have all three of those. You can have omniscient, omnipotent, omniscient, all loving, but you know how you get all three of those together.

Actually, it seems like that it's more likely that God is some kind of horrific sadist and that he was graded as sort of dark narcissistic torture chamber that people are currently living in. And, um, and then on top of that, asking people to work. The thing that is actually without really asking consent, like put you in a body that's going to die and all that stuff.

So yeah. Then I I'm. I was just hanging out at a bar, met this like incredibly beautiful woman, doesn't it? Yep. It always does. And she's, she took me to this community of people who were like very open, very ex they accepted all, uh, genders and sexes and they were very loving and, and, and really like, you know, embrace me.

And during that time taught me to. Satan. And 

Gray: from your testimony last Sunday, which is how we found you, that was meeting in the backroom of the Denny's, is that 

Darren: correct? That is correct. Yeah. And that's, um, like all Denny's are actually, uh, generally satanic gathering places. Denise doesn't want people to know that, but, um, Dinex of course is one of the fifth princes of hell.

It's a Denny's is named. I started as a meeting place for Satanists continues to be a meeting place for Satanists. Yes. And no, 

Gray: I don't want to get too far down the road of omniscient, omnipotent, all loving, because we know that that basically just turns into a really great sandwich that once you've tasted it, you know, the truth of that.

But, um, I am, I am wondering, I mean, and I, again, I'm, I'm terrified to know, but what, what were the kinds of things you'd do at a satanic meeting in the back of it? Right. So 

Halle: surprised to hear, they felt, it felt loving. Oh yes. Throwing tax at you or something. 

Darren: No. There, their feeling is that. Uh, you know, the rational mind is, uh, is the most important thing I've learned before.

Especially after coming to twin Hills, that I should disregard my rational mind that the rational mind is kind of like the it's like the mental equivalent of the appendix or something like that. I'm asking so many questions. 

Halle: Yeah. We're not, fact-based we're faith 

Darren: based, you know what I mean? Exactly. See, but at these deniers they would say, look, you know, your, your rational mind is very important.

You should trust your intuition. Oh, let me tell you to trust your intuition. And then they would say, you should use your rational mind. They would say so they would teach you basically like how to stick up for yourself. If you felt like, um, you were in a situation that was wrong and that you should stick up for yourself and listen to your irrational mind and then listen to your heart.

And so if people are trying to tell you things that, you know, couldn't be true, say, Hey, I don't know that this is. I don't do it anymore. That is the pathway to hell, by the way. That's exactly what Satan wants us to do to be rational. Oh, we're going to accept everybody. Yep, yep. Yeah. Where does that lead you?

Yeah, if we start accepting everybody, right. You know, that's not how it works. It's not what Jesus taught. So even to have a government, you know what I mean? It'd be a one world government because that's what Satan wants. It would be basically Satan wants there to no longer be boundaries. Satan wants it to the whole, this is what Satan wants or what they told me.

Satan wants. Satan wants the whole planet to no longer be. At war, but to be a kind of like never ending music festival. Oh, 

Halle: well, that would just be exhausting and dusty and stinky and 

Darren: drug doubt and people at music festivals, they go there and they have sex on LSD. That's the other thing we did a lot of, uh, not at the titties.

But we would take the LSD at the Denny's and then we would go back to a hotel near there and have sex. Oh 

Halle: wow. So a Satan is even like appreciates like a bed and sheets and all that 

Darren: stuff. Well, you know, it depends on how many people are, are, you know, um, you know, um, doing the, the, the nasty, you know, now I see sex as a filthy act.

Then I did, and I didn't care. I would hadn't no, like I didn't, I was whatever it was around. I would suck it or put it inside of me. You're lucky to be alive. I know, I know. I know. I, we do practice safe sex. Of course everyone's wearing condoms and we were testing stuff. Another thing, Satan likes condoms.

Is that right? Yes. Sam loves condoms. Wow. And 

Halle: God loves abstinence. You know, it really honors him. 

Darren: Yeah. That is exactly right. And that's right, exactly. Because this is the other thing, Satan, as say things like this, this is one of the things they'll say, they'll say. Uh, abstinence doesn't work like, you know, people, the sex drive is so powerful.

People are going to generally have sex and ignoring that reality, not getting birth control to, you know, to people who need it and stuff like that is an absolute insanity because then you're, you're going to get like, you know, all kinds of unwanted life in the world. Madness madness. It was, I look back on those days is, is just insane.

It's just pure. Pure insanity, just having guilt-free sex and hotel rooms on acid, developing my rational mind. It was awful. I'm so lucky to have come to twin Hills 

Halle: dark and I'll tell you what, um, it sounds like the insidious thing that they're doing is they're making you feel like you belong. And isn't that what everybody just wants a sense of belonging that somebody has their back, that somebody knows their name, that they have a place to go where people will say, Hey.

Darren good to see you, that type of thing, you know, and we can provide that here. And it's not counter-intuitive that, uh, it's not, it's not intellectual suicide to know that he can be all powerful and all loving and all present and all powerful and omniscient all at the same time, because here's. He hates evil so much.

He just hates it so much that he can't tolerate it. And that sort of overrides all those other systems. And the way I understand it is although he could intervene and, you know, stop the spread of cancer in your young child, or keep men from assaulting girls, or, you know, you name it and justice disease, rapes, suffering, senseless, death, famine, war pandemic, starvation abuse.

He could intervene, but then he wouldn't know how much we loved him with free will. So that would be a real drag for him. Not to know that we, that we it's there's free. It's it's 

Darren: about free. Makes sense. Makes complete. I don't understand it, but that's one of the things I've, I've, you know, when I first came to twin Hills, uh, uh, I'll be honest.

I, I was still using my rational mind and I, um, I was having a conversation with, oh God, Latrice. The, he, he he's the, he does works. The purification for the lazy river gets the. So I was having a conversation with ch latrisa and I, I hope you'll forgive me, but I just heard connect to faith. We are humans.

We are filthy and perfect sinful creatures. We are, our only hope is Jesus Christ, our savior and the rational mind is keeping us from making that connection. And I said to him, and forgive me. I beg you. Forgive. I said, I think they're wrong. And you know what he said to me, he said, here, we don't say that.

We don't say, we think they're wrong. We don't understand yet. 

Gray: And they did. And then did he show you how clean that lazy 

Darren: river is powerful? He did. He showed me the urine extraction vats. It's incredible. How many people pee in that thing? I 

Gray: know. And it's just amazing too. When you think about how clean we can get that water, no matter what goes in it.

And I think that. Awesome. Awesome metaphor for Christ and Jesus specifically, which is just that he is going to take whatever is going into your river. In your case, it was a bunch of stuff in a hotel room after 

Darren: you ate acid. I love getting peed on when I was on acid in the hotel room, they would pee and pee on me.

I would drink the P oh my gosh. See 

Halle: that Satan making fun of you. He draws you in. And then next thing you know, you're in urination nation. You 

Darren: know what I mean? 

Gray: And here's something to, you know, that made me think of about the urination in a hotel room, which is, you know, did you ever see actual proof of the power of Satan or was it just kind of like, because I feel like you come to twin Hills, you really feel the power of Christ it's at work in each other in this community, but when you're doing all that stuff, I mean, I haven't really seen Satan show.

Darren: I saw the power of Satan. We would, you know, one of the, one of the, one of the Satan would encourage us to go to, uh, places where women were going to get abortions and, um, you know, protect them from the protest. Actually, I can remember, but it's so funny how life changes, but, you know, twin Hills was doing one of its protests at an abortion clinic.

And, um, I was. With my satanic brothers and sisters. And what we try to do is shield these people who are literally, most of them are going through the worst time in their whole lives. And we try to shield them from the protesters who at that time I would see them and think, my God, like, what's wrong with you?

What do you think they enjoy this? You think this is something they want to do? You're you're literally like attacking people, inviting them. To carry a child to term, any of them have been raped and then you're inviting them to carry that child to term, but then you're not offering any kind of real financial support for them to raise the kid.

Anyway, you know, this again, Satan was in inside of me and making me think these things. And so, you know, and they throw things at them. Sometimes they, they will like, you know, you know, I, you know, some of y'all, I. I don't want to like, leak the secrets of the church, but they weren't, you're not extracting the urine from the lazy river for nothing.

I mean, I'm not saying you're filling water balloons with it and throwing it at women going into abortion clinics, but it's probably illegal. I don't know. The point is we would try to shield them from that. And then we would try to make sure that afterwards they would, you know, many of our brethren or, uh, therapists who would then offer, um, you know, free therapy to them and whatever we could give them, just because we felt like it was our job for the little time that we are on earth to try.

Help people who are generally ostracized by society is the devil. Listen, I'm not proud of it makes me want to cry saying that that was how I was. I'm not like it anymore. I mean, I'm on the other side of that. I'm throwing the balloon, 

Gray: uh, and it is a party and we are glad to have you. And I think that's such awesome news that, you know, you think you're doing this right thing by essentially playing in execution of walking someone into to, but you know, be killed.

And then you finally get the realization that you are. Um, now on the side of the right and the protecting, uh, you know, protecting life. And I just think that's so awesome. What a great switch. 

Halle: And I knew I'd met you before, when you stood with your testimony. I said, where have I seen this fellow before 

Darren: you throw a 

Halle: balloon of, yeah.

You were shielding a woman who was trying to get in the entrance. And I think you and I had quite an exchange. 

Darren: You said, I like it. I said, throw more. 

Halle: Right. You know what I find so funny, Darren, is that here, you thought you were doing the right thing by trying to help someone, but they were trying to do something bad and everybody always thinks they're right.

You know, everybody always thinks this is it. This works, you know, and really it's just, I just pinch myself sometimes that we actually are the only ones in the whole. World who are right. You know what I mean? We're so blessed to be the only ones with the actual truth. And my son day, he's always, you know, pushing the envelope cause he's learning how to think critically because he goes to public school and it's no good.

And he brings stuff up. He says, mom, if the whole essence of, you know, is, is it all about Jesus? I say, you got that right kid. And he goes, okay. And so he was born of a Virgin. The whole story begins without. You know, like what about Mary? She was just informed that she's been impregnated. Like these girls you're protecting with your body and escorting or whatever to the execution, 

Darren: you know, to be on you while you're saying it's, wasn't one of the conversations we used to have at Denny's it reminds me of an ongoing topic, which is not just the fact that, you know, Mary was, uh, probably underage, which is really weird, but just the general power imbalance between the Supreme creator of the universe and an essentially an under.

Kid. And then also that, you know, how could this omnipotent being, uh, is it seduction? And then if the kid allows the baby, the Supreme being to inseminate in, in some way that, that obviously, I mean, this is ridiculous. It's never, that will never happen, but let's just say, you know, as a thought experiment, it did.

I mean, I know it happened now, but this is what the conversations we would have at Denny's then, then, uh, also if the. Um, omnipotent than the being would essentially be, uh, impregnating a teenager with a, a kid who was going to be tortured to death and executed. So isn't that kind of like abortion in the sense that he knew the child was going to be sacrificed.

So, you know, these we'd have these conversations. I thinking back it's just it's I can't even believe we would ever say these things. And, um, I feel sick saying it out loud right 

Halle: now. Maybe that's what attracted you to the God of the universe. You said, wow. He is. I thought I was getting into some hardcore stuff over here in the basement of a Denny's and had a night's Inn.

But here, I mean, God is like, oh, you think that's rough? Look at, check this out. And that's what my son day says. He goes, mom, you know, maybe boys have trouble understanding consent because nobody ever talks about. You know, it says it's a value. Also the God of the universe didn't do it. In fact, he didn't even inform Mary that he had evidently forced himself on her.

He sent Gabriel to do it. He sent his main man. He's like, I got to tell you something, you know? And I'm like, she felt blessed and highly favored. Don't shoot the 

Darren: messenger. I also, you know, he, there's all kinds of possibilities of altering her consciousness in a way. I mean, what is the difference between, you know, drugging someone's drink and using.

Angelic beings to hypnotize them into letting you get them pregnant. You know, these Diddy's, I consider these Denny talks and I try, I wouldn't even bring it up. I don't even bring it up anymore, but I do want to testify about how miraculous God is and how God works. And even when you're so far off the path, protecting women at abortion clinics.

And of course we would do a lot of food drives and stuff for the local, you know, homeless and stuff, insane stuff. These people, God put them there for a reason. You get what I'm saying, which is, or Maddie, you know, basic medical care and stuff. Some of us would even let them stay with us. And, um, anyway, I here's how God works.

I, and I've never said this told anyone this story before, but after you threw those water balloons of urine at me, I naturally. Did they have that some urine at their church? Like w you know, I gotta find that I got to find where that is, you know? And so, you know, prodigal son, you know, you know, just looking, you know, I went to twin Hills, Looking for vats of urine, but I found God and found the water.

Okay. 

Gray: I would say that it's a water treatment plant is what I mean. I think that is what we could call it. Extraction 

Darren: facility. No. Instead of striving, you do extract as opposed to other lazy rivers that you do have that. I mean, You know, and I'd love to volunteer if I could just say I don't mean to do business here, whatever I'd love to volunteer, to be in the water purification team.

Oh, you 

Halle: could volunteer. You could maybe even get on staff. I mean, you want a sense of belonging? We will wrap our arms around you, buddy. Boy, 

Darren: praise God. 

Gray: Darren, you know, this is something that's really touching to me about your story, which is you saw the error of your ways, but then were really drawn to the narrative of the Bible.

And I do want to get into that because what is it that you're feeling now that you've got this great. Book that's guiding your life, this amazing spiritual practice in this community that you can do it safely in without having to go to a Knight's Inn. And what is it about this? What is it about this story now that, and what are some highlights that really resonate with you now that you're out of that doc 

Darren: patch?

Jesus Christ, the passion, the passion of the Christ. I think of when I was tied to a bed on LSD, getting peed on flogged with. Oh, by these beautiful women, they would make me suck their feet and boots. They would whip me and whip me PME. They would do sexual things to me over and over again, the LSD would allow me to experience.

I don't know if I can say, or the orgasm over and over and over again. You can't say that. I'm so sorry, but now to realize that in the great good book, this beautiful young man, the, just the kind of man that I would've made love to in those hotel rooms is getting flocked. Like I was ripped. Beaten flogged by beautiful, beautiful Roman guards with their beautiful boots.

And they, I think they were wearing togas or loincloths or pretty revealing clothing. And then this, this, you know, this is, this is something we celebrate. And then on top of. I don't like drinking blood. We would, of course drink goat's blood after the orgies. But, um, and it's a little tan, it's a little salty, which makes me bloat, but the fact that we now it twin Hills drink the blood.

Of a sacrificed God, it makes what we were doing in my Santana cult seem like Disneyland compared to what we do at twin Hills, where I am invited to abandon my rational mind and drink the blood of a tortured sacrificed. God, praise God. 

Gray: Oh. Okay. I'm S I guess, I'm sorry. I asked what, what, what do you think about the story of Zacchaeus as something.

Darren: Zacchaeus 

Gray: Zacchaeus the wee little man, I guess. Yeah. I, I guess I wasn't expecting all that. Is there like a miracle that you, that you enjoy to something me 

Darren: and on the third day he grows again, think about that to me, that there was so many times in those hotel rooms where they, I was, I, once I got. And I, I couldn't, uh, I just didn't think I'd be able to ever get up again.

They were like, they were putting creams and lotioning me and very kind, you know, it was all consensual, but. Just, I know what that must feel like to, to be out of it for three days and then like come out of your tomb, so to speak, you know, and that reminds, that reminds me of that, you know? Cause there's so many, you know, when you're crashing on ecstasy and you're like, I'm never going to feel good again.

No, this to me. Jesus, that story reminds us that, you know, even after the ecstasy depression, your serotonin levels will come back. Is there 

Gray: any, I guess, is there any story, I guess that from the Bible in your experience here, that doesn't go back to the kind of doesn't link up to the hotel room. I'm just kind of fishing for anything that you can think of that, that doesn't put us back, because I think we kind of painted out the hotel room and I'm a bit nervous about it.

And so we talked about like, okay, the flood. 

Darren: Great. What all, yeah. Yeah. I love this story of the flood. Okay. Ah, the showers. Yes, the arc, the 10. I imagine the showers coming down in that, on that golden day, pouring down upon the earth, right? Filling the earth with the golden waters of God, of God's love. And I love to me imagining all those sinners drowning in those golden waters, all the children.

Oh, the children. Our sweet Lord drowned in that water. Just like you can't even imagine how many children must've died and the ones that maybe survived by holding onto boards or whatever, you know, they eventually would have gotten fatigued. And I love to think about those centers, clutching the boards, maybe, you know, watching the I, how many baby bodies were floating in those waters, just floating there.

And I just love to think about that. The light shining down on all those corpses in the water and Noah just going by it, maybe. So maybe a mom being like, please, we were running out of energy. Can you please let us on the boat please? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's why they call them Noah, because he had to say no, no, no, no.

There's so many drowning people as he went by on his boat. And I love that with it. I 

Gray: just don't ever remember the golden pot, but yeah, I guess 

Halle: that is. So funny. I never thought about all those floating, dead babies and bodies. That must have been kind of stinky. I've always thought how cute would it be to see two sheep on the arc and two zebras and two English bulldogs, 

Darren: you know, a little petting zoo in there, a little petting zoo, you know, and I, I imagine that after a few weeks, probably the most of the bodies would have.

Sunk down into those waters and you wouldn't see them as much, but, you know, part of really, for me connecting and now that I've let go of my rational mind, but really connecting to that story and all the, all the, the many of the death, you know, it's a horrible way to die being, you know, drowning, I 

Halle: think how long it would take.

I mean, think how long it takes to get an inch of rain out on the street. 65 or something that would take a really, I mean, first you'd probably, you know, we'll be starving for few days, then swimming for a few days and never even thought of it. And you know what, Darren, I know it breaks. I know it breaks the heart God to kill everyone on earth, except for a couple of people in their kids.

I also, I think of that story of lot, you know, down there in Sodom and Gomorrah, and he said, and God said, can you show me just one righteous man? You know, like God was looking for the, you know, is there any one righteous, they were 

Darren: humping the things they were doing in there. I think about that a lot that story, I think about, I imagine these old testaments now they used to put these nipple clamps on me that had, that would generate electricity directly into my nipples.

And then. That electricity would connect to a prostate. It was a sort of electric Tesla coil that would connect to my prostate. The electricity would go through my nipples and connect with that greeting the circuitry of energy that would cause this with LSD. You can have many, many organs. So I though I wouldn't want to live back then because I don't think they had that kind of technology back then.

I do imagine. Just the, that dusty you coupling, I guess you would say the dust and the sweaty, the smell of their sweat and the, you know, we know what comes out of a man and a woman when they are doing that. And the, oh, I love those smells. I like to imagine pools of lusty, sweat in that place just before they were all turned assault.

Praise God. I am married. No, not, not yet, but I hope I, I do pray that the Lord will send someone into my life who I could share, 

Halle: preparing a godly woman for 

Gray: you. And I think you're preparing, I think you might need to prepare even more. I will. What do 

Halle: I do? And you know what, once you get into a godly marriage, Darren, you're going to love it.

You can do anything you want. Once it's in the bonds of marriage, anything 

Darren: goes, yeah, I will worship her. I will treat her. I will worship her. I will his, her feet and worship her feet and rub her feet. Very biblical wash her feet. That's another thing I love about this story is just, I love to wash feet. I just love it.

Oh, and 

Halle: Darren, I have a few quick questions, maybe about the mechanics of Satanism, because you mentioned a sense of belonging wellbeing using your mind, listening to your intuition, and then all of you get together and you do some very dark deeds, but you mentioned you do some very good deeds. You try to help people, you contribute at a food bank.

And that really kind of, uh, that, that did not compute because I. I was so terrified of satanic people because I knew they hung out in forest preserves, having fires and stuff. And I always tell my teens, I say, if you go try to dry hump and drink Southern comfort in a forest, preserve these people are there doing rituals and they will eat you.

They will kill you 

Darren: by eating with all the evil stuff that these Satanist I was cavorting with were doing such as helping women and food banks and all that. We, we had a very strict code of conduct when it came to. Kids or teens, we wouldn't never, we never would we let a underage kid drink. We just didn't do that.

It's not good for them. Yeah. They should. A lot of kids that, you know, was a real disappointing thing. They would, you know, this is another thing by the way that I love about. As you can still drink that communion cup, no matter what your age is. And I think that's a wonderful thing. And the, the, yeah, we, so we wouldn't, you know, day would be, uh, actually, if you stumbled upon one of our, our camp camp, we would go camping a lot.

We actually love the outdoors. And it's just, you just, the worst thing you'd see is, uh, the hammocks and, you know, we sing campfire songs, a bunch of REI gear from say, oh yeah, we actually had to deal with. Really we got better discounts. That was one of the that's actually how they got you in there is cause like when, when, yeah, when I was drawn in, that was one of the many outside of the Ellis free LSD and the sex.

I really like camping gear is very expensive. I love to be in the outdoors. So I, yeah. I was able to get very nice backpack at a wonderful discount. Good to 

Halle: know that we have to boycott both Dennis 

Darren: REI. REI. Yeah. So yeah, the, the, but the, you know, the mechanics of it are really. You know, it's basically based on a misunderstanding of things from, from the satanic perspective, the idea is, you know, if you are demanding worship from anyone, then probably something's off, you know, you shouldn't want, it means generally means insecurity.

If you're demanding, add to that, you know, the, uh, uh, kind of like metaphysical gun to the head, meaning if you don't worship me, you will go to. Torture chamber from that perspective, a misunderstood perspective, Satan or Lucifer actually is a heroic figure in the sense that this is why we call it in wild, love your son's name by the way, day.

We, one of our many names for, for us the light bringer, because it's really a kind of a shadowy narcissistic horror story. If you imagine some nip it and being demanding worship, and then it would take. Courage for a being to say, I don't know that I'd want to worship you anymore. I kind of would like to do my own thing.

And, uh, uh, and, and then also the fact that the response from God. We were so high all the time. The response from God was then I'm going to tear your wings off and throw you down out of heaven, basically kick you out of the house. And, and, and, and then eventually the end of time, I'll, I'll destroy you to us.

That just seemed like a pathological narcissistic abusive, toxic relationship rather than heaven. And so thank God I came to twin Hills. Thank God you through that. Urine filled balloon at me. It more than one five, as I recall. Thank God. Cause that brought me home. Yeah. And it was probably 

Halle: the fundamentalism of your childhood that really scared you and made you think of God as a vivisector because once you come to a mega church and you, and we've got drums, we've got strobes.

We've got, um, beautiful people up there leading worship. You say, well, this 

Darren: is cool. I love the drums. I love the beats of Jesus. The beats of Jesus, you know, they beat Jesus in there. Now, the beats on the drums and the beatings. And I just, I just love it so much. And I pray, I pray, I pray. I pray that my satanic brethren are listening to this and really hearing what I'm saying, what I'm saying to them.

There is so much urine here. So much here and it's so, so beautiful here. Oh, and 

Gray: I do want to ask a question about music with you because I've always heard do sadness hide, you know, reverse messages in music, because I'm always worried about my team to come to climax who are listening to stuff like, you know, while they love debating and stuff.

And I'm always like, well, it's, the baby is probably hiding some messages in that, in that music. Have you ever heard of 

Darren: this? They don't have to hide it anymore. Yeah, we used, uh, uh, there was a thing where you would hide the, you know, my sweet Satan and all that stuff, but yeah, they don't do it anymore.

They just say it, nobody really pays attention. It's really just out 

Halle: in the open, but I think they're hiding it in these messages of like body positivity and stuff like that. Yeah. Just really trying to undermine a lot of the shame that helps people stay in the fall. 

Darren: Oh, this was the other horror that I endured.

This was the other horror I went there and. Uh, there were people of all shapes and sizes, all embraced, all loved, all invited to the orgies. No one was ostracized based on the way their, their body looked. And, and, and it's an invitation to do really, to love your body. The Lord, as you have taught me, hates the flesh.

The Lord hates the flesh and the flesh is the vehicle of sin. And the Lord, you know, this is one of the sermons I cherish Steve. I remember when he said you want to protect the environment you want to protect the. God hates the earth and God will, God will destroy the earth and the end of the day. And I heard that and I felt so good imagining that our Lord, it not somehow been defamed from those days of that beautiful.

And that in fact, the earth itself will be annihilated by its creator at the end of time. And to me, that is a message of joy. Well, Darren, 

Halle: if I may ask you and forgive me if this is too personal, a question, but a lot of times what I do with my husband, Lance Labatt is in the marital bed. I make sure the lights are off.

I wear very oversized. Linen fabrics to hide my, you know, my imperfections, you know, I've had children. Um, you know, I just have a question if you were there in the nights in with your people that accept each other, if a woman was coming to you and let's say maybe she had a little bit of a belly and maybe she had some mum, you know, say some cellulite on her thighs.

Darren: We loved it. Oh my God. Yeah. It's so it's, it feels so good. Yeah. So, yeah, we love cellulose. Good day. They loved. Why am I saying we ha you're bringing me back. They loved it. They loved all forms. They all loved all shapes. Their, their horrible say tannic ideology was such that every person, regardless of what their bodies look like regardless of their, their physical imperfections deserves to be touched and.

It makes me want to throw up. I'm sick. 

Halle: Wow. And it's good that now you're back to you have, you have to hold women to a standard, you know, we don't have Barbie dolls for no reason. It's good to have something to shoot for that we all kind of know what's acceptable. And Darren, I just want to ask you, because I I've always known that Satan is an actual person.

It's an actual, um, uh, an embodied 

Darren: personality. I'm sorry. I thought you were saying, I was sorry. I thought I heard you say that. I was saying, oh, I would never do that. Oh, no. Like if I was an evil force or something like that, or I would never infiltrate. The church and do everything I could to corrupt the message of the embodiment of love.

We just 

Halle: have to start pointing things out that are already right there in the text, but, you know, the thing is how do you, I just want to know one last thing when you're just a regular Satanist, you know, brushing your teeth and, you know, How do you experience Satan? Is it, is it as a person? Is it as a force?

Is it as an into how, what, because I experienced God is like a warm, loving father who wants to grant my 

Darren: needs. Yeah. Well, uh, you know, back then when my mind was corrupted, I would experience Satan is a self-acceptance. Hey Holly. 

Gray: Um, can I sidebar with you for a second? What was that? I just have a few, I just, yeah.

Darren: One sector

Halle: Darren trestle was played by Duncan Trussell. Check out the amazing things he's doing. I love him so much. His Netflix show, the midnight guy. Is so good. Watch the midnight gospel on Netflix. Also go to his incredible podcast. The Duncan Trussell family hour. It's wonderful. If I can give you anything, let me give you this and follow all the great things that he's doing at Dunkin's.

I'm Holly Lorena playing Halle, Labonte and Gray Hass was played by Greg Hess, followed us and mega the podcast on Twitter and Instagram. And if you really want to get out of jail free card, support us on Patreon. The link is in the show notes.